Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
A beam of light streaming through my window. As a kid I used to get fascinated by the sight. Particles dancing in the ray of light. I would make whirlpools, i would make them dance, I would play with them, i would make stories, I played with myself..
Thursday, July 23, 2009
She was big and I was small..
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Badal ko chhone ki chahat na thhi..bas maanga thha ek tukda aasman..
Samundar ko peene ki chaah na thhi..bas chaaha thha ek ghoont tera pyaar..
Dharti ko paane ka arman na thha..bas paana thha tere dil mein ek kona..
Tere sansaar mein aane ki tamanna to thhi..par na baandhi thi koi ummeed..
Na maanga thha zindagi bhar ka saath..bas chaah thhi kuch antim palon ke saath ki..
Chhodh gaya mujhe mera hi apna..kho gaya kahin mera chhota sa sapna..
Jiske liye jeeta raha main aajtak..na lagne di jise dukh ki koi bhanak..
De na saka wo mujhe chaar palon ka saath..udna jo tha usse mere hi dikhaye badlon ke paas..
Ab na chaah hai kisi ko paane ki..na hai kisi ke khone ka darr..
Zindagi ki bachi-khuchi iss raah pe main chal chala banke apna hi humsafar..
I heard a knock at the door..I wished it were you..
I heard a voice over the phone..I wished it were yours..
I saw a face in the mist..wished it was you..
I heard myself singing for someone..wished it was for you..
I saw myself waiting for someone..wished it was you..
I felt my heart light again..wished it were because of you..
I saw my dear ones happy for me..I wished the reason were you..
I saw my house decorated with flowers..I wished it were to welcome you..
I heard the holy vows rhyme..I wished it was with you..
Today when I start a new beginning..I wished it was with you..
I step into a life unknown..I wished with me were you..
My world is filled with joy again..I wished in it were you.....
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Friday, July 3, 2009
Samay ki unmukt leheron mein khota koi apna..
Adhoore arman saanso ki dor se bandhe hue..
Fir bhi har saans mein ummeed ki khushi sanjoy nayi khushboo bharte hue..
Chirag ke tale ujale mein nazar aati ek murat..
Nahi jaanta uska pata aur na hi dikhti uski koi surat..
Nikal pada os se bichhi inn pathrili rahon par..
Na samajh aata os aur aansuon ke beech koi antar..
Ab lagta har jhooth sachcha aur har sach jhootha..
Palkon pe ek bhram ka manmaana moti jaise ho phoota..
Asmanjas ki raah pe chalta chala wo besudh..
Na jaanta moorakh isme hai na koi sukh..
Apne astitva se bekhabar chal pada wo khud ki talaash mein..
Na jaane kaunsi raah mila de usse uski manzil..issi aas mein..
Ek tooti ummeed aur beete palon ka sahara..
Pralay se anjaan bhavishya ke khoye sapno ko dekhta raha wo bechara..
Ab na jaane kaunsi raah pahunchayegi usse uski manzil..
Ya maut ke dhuen mein ho jaayengi uski aakhein kokil….
I think about the days past gone..
I think about the days when I had given in all to you..
And i realize a fact about me and you..
Its that..I never really owned you..
You gave me all the love you could..
And cared for me like a lover should..
But somewhere in my heart I always knew..
The fact about me and you..
That I never really owned you..
The day when you actually said you wouldnt come back..
The tears in my eyes I couldnt hold back..
But I thought it to be another facet of an angry you..
And thought that things would again settle down like the morning dew..
But now I realize that I never really owned you..
Those who want to stay in your life will always stay..
Be it the chill of December or heat wave of May..
You are good or bad, they will always be near you..
Others will always find a reason to leave you..
Thats why I think I never really owned you..
God gave me so many signs to realize the truth..
But I was on the ride of my adventurous youth..
I never wanted to accept this fact about me and you..
I still cant reason so many things related to you..
And I wonder why I couldnt realize that I never really owned you..
Friday, June 26, 2009
Fir se tamannao ki raah pe chalne ko machal utha ye mann..
Na jaane kabse adhoori aas liye baitha tha ye mann..
Unn aashaon ko samet ke ab aage badh chala ye mann..
Palakon pe ab tak aasuon ke bojh se bhari tha ye mann..
Ab aankhon mein nayi tarang se khush hoke naach utha ye mann..
Nayi raah pe umang se daudne ko chahta hai ab ye mann..
Hawaon mein ab ek nayi si leher nazar aati hai..
Dhoop mein bhi ek bhini si taazgi dil ko chho jaati hai..
Na darr lagta pathrili raah pe chalne se mujhe..
Na darr lagta akeli raaton me mujhe..
Ek naya sa insaan jaaga hai aaj mujhme..
Ek nayi si roshni nazar aayi hai tujhme...
My first attempt to write something in hindi.. :P
I find myself surrounded by loneliness,
I stare into nowhere,
Blinded by no thoughts,
Darkness soothes me,
Silence hums to me,
All I feel is numbness,
All I hear is quietness,
All I can see is nothing,
Just a burden on my soul,
Burden of hurting you,
I seek no forgiveness,
I desire no love,
I need no care,
I want no want,
I slip into solitude,
Solitude of eternal peace..
Still strangled by the memories, I watch u leave..
U look so calm, so much at peace..
There is a turmoil in my heart..
How can you be so quite, when your love is at cease..
You taught me how to love..
but not how to stop..
I feel all drenched..
In these painful raindrops..
You broke my heart..
Tore it into pieces..
But what amazes me is that..
I still love you with all the little pieces..
I can’t let you go..
I don’t understand a thing..
I thought you needed my love..
You were my everything..
You didn’t say a word..
But slowly you walked away..
I wish I could reason..
Why you didn’t want to stay..
I wish I could ask you..
I wish u could explain..
Why in my heart..
There is hope that still remains..
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Twenty years back, when I was only six
I had a little dollhouse with colors green n yellow mix
It had a little door and two windows which opened wide
And a cute little bed which was neatly kept inside
The walls of the house were painted green by my father
Though the color pink I had preferred rather
It had a little terrace with a staircase going through it as well
A perfect place where my Barbie doll would merrily dwell
Like a sunflower my house was bright and sunny
And from inside it was painted soft orange, cute and cozy
It had a little kitchen with real pan and stove
And in the dinner was only served warmth and love
The sheets were made of red passion and the curtains were the green care
A perfect house in dreams which u will find nowhere
My Barbie and my ken were truly madly in love
And they lived in that dollhouse which only u find in heaven above
Each day my story would end in an "happily ever after"
It was my world and I was the sculptor
Twenty years back when I was only six
I believed in my dollhouse and its yellow golden bricks
I believed in kitchen of love, I believed in what I had crafted
I believed in each and every wall which my father had painted
Twenty years hence now when I am grown up
Life is not always like what you set up
The sunny yellow hurts my eyes, the red sheet is all blood
And the curtain is turned green by the algae flood
The walls of the house now haunts me
The same walls to which I was attached so deeply
He searched for me in his lost memories
He tried to remember my sweet fragrance
He looked at the things I had touched
He craved for me in his loneliness
He wandered here and there in search of my voice
He hoped for just a small glance of mine
He wished for a glimpse of my smile
He desired the last touch of my skin
He longed for my warmth
I could see him suffering
I could see him in pain
I could see his tears
I could hear his sobs
I could hear his cries
That was the day he realized
That was the day when I died
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
I know I have never been the best..
But we did find each other in our own love quest..
I know I am not at all understanding..
But still we found each other ever so loving..
I know I behave childish at times..
But when we were together, our sorrows would just sublime..
I know at times I irritate you a lot..
But together we did dream of tying that heavenly knot..
I know I have repeated my mistakes time and again..
But still each other's arm, we could not refrain..
I know what hurts you the most are my words..
But when together we were the bestest of the best lovebirds..
I know there have been times when I have over reacted..
But in each other's company we never knew where the time drifted..
I know every time I have broken my promise..
But still no chance of loving we would miss..
I know many a times I have been very annoying..
But still we loved to lie with each other in the lights slowly dimming..
I know I blamed you for things so unreasonable..
But together we made a very cute couple..
I know I have disappointed you at several places..
But you would still accept me with all my fusses..
I know I say sorry after the same repeated mistakes..
But you would still hold me after my one of those quakes..
I know I always say that u never love me..
But with you I can be myself, ever so clumsy..
I know I always blame you for things you never did..
But its only u I can lean back in confusion amid..
I know I always want my own way..
But we promised for staying together till our hair turned grey..
I know that I say I know everything..
But without each other around there is something in life missing..
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Her songs of love to which a Lilly sprang
Dressed in white like a fairy she flowed
Above her head a pale halo glowed
When the sun was out, bright and shining
She would adorn a beautiful smile every morning
Enwrapped each day in a new fragrance
Love and care were her true essence
On her toes like a ballerina she would dance
Little squirrels would come out just to have a glance
Loving, caring and an all-forgiving, she was an angel
But nobody knew what hid behind that pretty damsel
In the name of a women, she was a disgrace
Nobody realized her darker side
That she was an evil devil in disguise
As the dawn would slowly set in
Her fangs would come out and so would the craving
And when the night would finally come
Her wicked acts would slowly hum
What most she loved was tearing little hearts apart
When one would finish, she would tear another from the start
Night after night she would create a new zombie
She was a beast trapped inside a beauty
Blood spilling out and ripped hearts scattered on the ground
Changed the color to red of her own white gown
She would play in the ocean of blood all night long
And slowly sing that sweet paralyzing song
When the first golden ray of dawn would break
With a tear in an eye again she would wake
How did this all happen was what she wondered
With pain she whimpered as if herself tortured
She pretended that her own wounds had turned her gown red
“This is my own blood!” she would shout with each tear shed
With her hues and cries she gathered all the squirrels’ sympathy
Unaware of the truth they despised the deed so ghastly
In the corner she would weep, for the love gone, for the heart lost
But once again prepared to rip another heart at any cost
Washing her blood stained gown in the river
She stood up with promises of new songs and an eye with a glitter
The birds believed her, the rabbits loved her
To them, the pain of their fairy had made her much fairer
Little did they know the evil deeds of their fairy
Except the little hearts who had died down in agony
So this was the story of a women so fake
Who would do absolutely anything for her own sake
A ruthless beauty as u can see
She was called “la belle dame sans merci”
Friday, June 5, 2009
Every thing I do is for you..
Every step I take is in a hope to get closer to you..
Every second of my thoughts is filled with you..
Every tear from my eye falls down in your memory..
Every thing I touch seems to die down in agony..
Every ray of hope seems to black out by the sky so cloudy..
Every word I say is always a mistake..
Every time i try harder is for ur sake..
Every feeling of mine is but considered a fake..
Every sentence of mine I wish a change in it I could make..
Every thing I do takes me away from you..
Every act of mine hurts you..
I dunno where to go..
I dunno what to do..
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Somethings never change..
Like the hug of ur mother when u go back home..
Or like the scolding of ur father when u dont wake up early in the morning..
Like the stories of ur sister when u two meet afer a long time at home..
Or like the same particular smell your house has year after year..
Like how ur quilt always seem to be shrinking short to reveal ur toes in a winter morning..
Or like how ur mouth still waters at that familiar chicken curry ur mom makes at home..
Like how your mummy's sabzi n daal still have the same taste even afer 26 years..
Or like how that old anchar (pickle) u once loved always finds its way to ur neighbor aunty’s house..!!
Like the red brick wall of your school which still seems to be of the same shade red..
Or like the still under construction temple of your college which started when you joined college some 7 years back..!!
Like that carpentry work shop in your college which reminds you of your engineering days..
Or like the PMC (Piya Milan Chauraha) which still seems to be occupied with a whole new set of ‘piyas’ n their loves..!!
Like that "kamini"s "kutti"s u hear when u meet ur bestest frnds..
Or like how you would discuss with your friends that wish u could go back to the old times..
Like how u would sometimes wish that you could see 2 year future of your life to know exactly where you would be..
Or like how everyone around you seems to be getting promoted except you..!!
Like the nostaligia u feel when u read ur old slam book..
Or like that smell of the yellow paper of the novel u once read..
Like how ur tongue turns purple when u eat jamun..
Or like how automatically ur hand goes to touch the pimple everyone says not to touch..!!
Like how u still fall asleep when u are going thru a study book..
Or like how u can wake up the entire night to talk to the one u love..
Like how every other face seems to be resembling your love..
Or like how impossible it is to not to include him in everything u write..!!
Like how definitely it would rain when you wear an ultra see through dress..!!
Or like how definitely your boss would come early only at the same day when you 'by chance' late for office..
Like how impossible it is to stop a pimple coming out on the very particular party night..
Or like when u meet an old class mate and after exchanging 'Hi's 'Hello's 'how are?'s you would go..shit man! What was her/his name..?!!
These small things of life..
brings a smile on my face when i think about it..
These feelings would remain the same year after year..
Somethings in life never change..
Everything else does!!
Sometimes I feel I want to evaporate..
Or amidst the misty fields simply just fade..
Sometimes I wish I was standing in rain..
So that no one could see that I was crying in pain..
I had been living like this, thinking of it to be the only world..
But now I want to cross the hill and reach out to a whole new world..
I cant anymore bear the suffocating breathe inside..
I want to kill those memories and become more alive..
There is no feeling now, only numbness all around..
No voices I can hear, not even a sound..
I no longer feel my wounds, not at all, not even a bit..
Maybe the pain has subsided or I have become used to it..
Its now been enough that I have tried..
Time has come to dry the tears that I have cried..
Its the time now to bring back that lost smile..
For which alone I have to walk yet another mile..
I'll do that whatever it takes..
Even if it means to give my heart a few more aches..
I dont want to reach out anymore..
I dont want to cry anymore..
I dont want to reach out anymore..
I dont want to cry anymore..
Thursday, May 28, 2009
This onez for u..
Thanks for alwz being there for me.. :)
By the riverside, near the small stream,
That was were we sat and had a dream,
Dream in our eye that one day we would fly,
And past the stream one day, we would flutter by.
With our little wings, we started our new journey,
To enwrap the world in our own sweet honey,
Three years back, yes, that was when it started,
A voyage that would in future leave us both torn hearted.
As the wind kept us back from moving ahead,
We would drag each other and not let anyone of us stop instead,
In the sunshine, our wings would glow up like a rainbow,
We moved on unaware that coming up next was a black shadow.
Small ponds we had crossed earlier without getting harmed,
But this stream was big and we were not well armed,
Thinking of the stream to be as harmless as the ponds,
We continued to move on with the stream of which we had become so fond.
A day in the month of April when the sky was all clear,
Suddenly came a gust of wind which shook our wings with fear,
Our little wings which used to be shining and bright,
Now was left alone to face this fearful sight.
With torn and battered wings we hoped to cross another mile,
Wiping each other's tears and reminding each other of that cute smile,
"This is not the end" is what we would remind each other,
There would be more memories again that we would gather.
So what this time we couldnt cross the stream,
Hope is still in our hearts and we havnt stopped our dream,
One day there would be another riverside where we would fly,
And past the stream once again we would flutter by.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Little is the pain,
A little everday,
Little is the sunshine,
Which could keep me gay.
Little are my tears,
A little every night,
Maybe little was my love,
Too little to hold you tight.
Little was your care,
Too little for my heart,
Little I should have known,
Right from the start.
A little bit strong,
Just a little weak,
Little bit a happiness,
I wish i could sneak.
I feel a little lost,
Little bit astray,
A little bit of me,
Thursday, May 21, 2009
I feel like filth
I feel like dirt
I feel like rotten eggs
I feel like a rag
Used and thrown away
Like a naked dandelion
Petals of which the wind blew away
I feel all black
So red from inside
Like the dead fishes
Lying on the sea side
I feel so numb
All dead from inside
Like a tasteless dish
One would quietly put aside
I feel so blank
I feel so weak
Like an unwanted child
Not able to speak
I feel like dead
Like a deer hunted
Like a tear shed
Like a life unwanted
The pain I have
You will never know
Its deep inside
And I will never show
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
To God I wish everyday,
That you will come and look my way.
This is for what I cry in dismay,
That you will come back maybe someday.
I make a wish everynight to all the stars,
To keep you happy, be where ever you are.
For myself I wish to just one little star,
To take away my pains and heal all my scars.
In the darkness everynight I cry on my bed,
To take my life and give me death instead.
My heart bleeds with the colour so red,
I am like a tree with leaves all shed.
In my room at the corner, everyday I weep,
For the love gone, the heart I wanted to keep.
I still cry and cant put myself to sleep,
For the seeds I had sown, I am the one to reap.
Myself I curse to have said you those words,
After which you left me, with my agonies unheard.
How I wish I could take back, those dark black words,
And bring you back to my own lovely pink world.
Sometimes we say, things we did not intend,
For, in you I trust, and this is not a pretend.
In grief, a hand to you once again I extend,
Dont disown it, for this time my life may then just end.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
There was a time when i had u,
That was the time when i called u mine,
Those were the days when u held me,
Those were the days I would always shine.
Those moments of ecstasy,
Moments of true love,
Moments when we had each other,
Moments i wish i could just hold.
The first time we kissed,
our first walk together,
The movie show we nearly missed.
The day in the month of April,
The day of that sweet November,
The days when we were us,
Everyday of the month with you I remember.
The first gift that I still cherish,
The seven colours that I gathered,
After which i lost the count,
That was the love you gave me unbound.
Racing against the wind we would move,
Racing against time,
Catching each glipmse of fantasy,
Each second that I would call mine.
I had a dream in my eyes
I thought I had the right on you,
Cant tell you how it feels,
When now u say i dont matter to you.
I wish i could remove that hatred which you have in your heart,
The heart which was once mine,
Which no longer beats for me.
I want to tell you,
You are everything for me,
If only you could come back,
to hear what I speak.
I wish u could come back,
Maybe just to say goodbye,
Maybe the last hug u could give,
With a small little sigh.
I wish I hadnt let you go,
The day we last met,
Those last few words of urs,
How can I ever forget.
Just turn around and you will see,
How i still wait for you,
I wish I could make a new start,
But only if the person were still be you.
Monday, May 18, 2009
You made me laugh..
You made me cry..
You made me sad..i wonder why..
You made me dance..
You made me sing..
You made me wonder what my life could bring..
You made me love..
You made me hate..
You made me marvel at my fate..
You made me giggle..
You made me dream..
You made me wake up with a scream..
You made me complete..
You made me lonely..
You made me dream that i was the only..
You made me strong..
You made me weak..
You made me reach that wonderful peak..
You came in my life..
Like a beautiful song..
With trust in ur eyes that u'll be all along..
You gave me life..
Then snatched it away..
And left me all alone on my way..
I try to reach out..
To stop u from going..
But i am still and u went moving..
My life has stood still..
The day u left me..
My heart in my hand n me on my knee..
Now that ur gone..
I wonder why u came..
All that happened, I am the only one to blame..
Nothing has changed from the day u were gone..
I still wait for u with a hope in each song..
My heart still pounds at each phone ring..
Hoping that it would be ur voice again that it would bring..
I want u to know how much i truly luvd..
It is for u that i write..
Only u that i ever luvd..
With tears in my eyes..
I try to sleep again..
Now only sleep can take away all my pain..
go back to the time when i had u..
i wish i could explain..
i wish u would listen..
i wish i could talk..
or maybe just hold on..
i cant let go..
cant let go of those memories..
n all those giggles..
cant let go of it at all..
coz they help me to live..
they help me survive..
they make me over come my all new frights..
u were my shell..
my only hope to live..
i wish u could come back..
and be with me to give..
dont leave me like this..
dont leave me with shattered dreams..
dont leave me in pain..
suffocating in my own screams..
every night i cry..
these tears dont stop..
the night doesnt end..
the pain wouldnt go..
even if my life ends..
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Fairyland they say..very far far away..
Born on a beautiful night..where with the wind she swayed..
She bloomed like a flower..protected in his hands..
Lovely she became..on that strange fairyland..
Discovering her own beauties..she was lost in her dreams..
Little did she know..that she would drown in her own screams..
He would shelter her every night..
Loved her at every sight..
From beneath the shelter she emerged..
With him she would only get submerged..
She was blossoming like she had never thought..
All the obstacles on her way she fought..
To be near him..
To be with him..
Was the only way she knew to live..
All that she had..she was to give..
She knew nothing of the world around her..
All she felt..was like a feather..
Feather in his hands was all that she could feel..
There was no wound that he couldnt heal..
She was all bright n glowing..
Unaware of what beneath her was growing..
He came to touch her one fine day..
But her thorn pricked him on his way..
Fire in his eyes..he stood up tall..
How could she do that..she is so small..!!
So little in front of him she became..
Head bent down with all the shame..
Furious with anger..he came with a plough..
Started digging her..to kill her somehow..
She cried for help..for some mercy..
But he was determined and had no mercy..
Finally she gave up..and it was all gone..
Still pretty she laid..but died the day she was born..
Saturday, May 2, 2009
No matter how hard I try to shoo her away n tell her that there is no place for her..
She doesnt listens..
She wants to come to me..
She wants to stay with me..
What do tell her..??
What do I say to her..??
Why dont you go away kid..??
Nobody wants you here..
You dont matter to anyone..
Just go away n let me be at peace..
Let me be with myself..
Let me sleep.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
I sit down to write..my pen a millimeter away from the paper..all well set in my mind to put it all on paper..
My head is all saturated..but nothing comes out..nothing on paper..I try so hard..I want it all to drain away..drain away thru my pen..on the paper but nothing comes out..its all clogged up in my brain..
At 30,000 feet above the ground when all fades away, I still remember you..I see you standing out of my window dancing ur eyebrows and a naughty smile on ur face.. I try not to think abt all that..all the memories we have had..but the more i try the more they hit me back..I let the tears roll down promising myself that this will be the last one of the night..
Each n every second of my life reminds me of u..I want it all to disappear in the clouds surrounding me..
I assure myself again n again that someday i'll have new thoughts in my head..new memories to cherish but this letting-to-go is killing me..!!
Sometimes a flash of hope comes that maybe..maybe someday..But then reality settles in that this time its forever..I have to let go..let go of it all..and a tear rolls down..the another "last one" of the night....