The Bridge

I thot I wud fall..

I thot I wud die..

I felt I cud not feel..

I saw I could not see..

That was the end..

I was standing on the edge..

I had nowhere to go..

I could see the other side..

I didnt kno how to reach..

It was foggy dream..

Everything dark..

Everything gloomy..

Then You came..

Dunno from where..

Dunno how..

I found the bridge..

I found my way through..

I felt it again..

I could see all..

This was different..

This was forever..

With you I am me..

With you I am as I could never be..

Its not madness..

Its not ecstasy..

Its peace..

Its serenity..

Its all what I ever wanted it to be..

ME..!!

Dont ask me how..dont ask me why...

there are these days..

these moments when i want to go quite..

No, I am not thinking about anythng..

m not introspecting anything..

these are just moments when I am blank..

No thought comes into my mind..

I like to stare into space at times..

At times I like to just see the fan rotating..

I stare into the blank wall..

Stop questioning me..

coz m actually not thinking about anything..

nor my past nor my future..

The expression on my face has got nothing to do whats inside my heart or my mind..

i might look worried..

But m not..

M just plain expressive..

I express alot..

I express too little..

but that does not mean I am expressing whats inside me..

It can be just anything..

dont relate..

I suffer from mood swings..

I dont blame you..

its me..

Let me be myself..

I get hurt but i recover too..

i move on..

Move on for better..

at times m difficult..

Sometimes difficult for myself too..

A day I might be super active..

Full of energy and thoughts..

But at certain days I like to go numb..

Its just me..

I have different facets..

If you cant take one..leave it..

I never ask anyone to stay..

At times I need people around me..

At times I dont..

At times I dont get what I want..

At times I get exactly what I was looking for..

There are certain instances where u would not understand me..

So what! I never asked u to!

To some m rude..

To others m kind..

To some m intelligent..

To some m dumb..

Its all me!

At times I write crap..

just like this post..

These thoughts do not relate..

Dont try to relate them either..

In the end, its all about me..

But I am because of you..

And again I say, dont relate..

There is nothing to understand in this..

You

I close the doors..they say somewhere God opens a window..I close that too..

The four walls..they comfort me..I find solace..I find peace..I discover myself..severity of emotions..endless thoughts..neverending echoes..I cry out loud, no one hears..I shudder with cold, I dont feel..I feel pale..I hear the wind..careful whispers..I cant relate..I smile..a tear in my eye...

I hear myself..hushed sobs..it scares me..I feel drowned..darkness fills up my throat, I cant breathe..I am alone, all alone..no one can see me, no one can hear me..I dont speak, i am not visible..

Let the darkness descend..I close my eyes..I dont see..I find peace..I find You......

Through a window..

A beam of light streaming through my window. As a kid I used to get fascinated by the sight. Particles dancing in the ray of light. I would make whirlpools, i would make them dance, I would play with them, i would make stories, I played with myself..

I would enter their world, wanted to become a part of them, I would dance with them, wanted to fly with them.

I tried to catch the particles..I was fascinated to see them escape every time I tried to get hold of them. The naughty little particles wouldnt come in my hand! I tried very hard, wanted to catch them in my hands..I would trap them in a jar, collect them in a box..but everyday I got dissappointement..they would just disappear..!!

I was strucked with illusion..I did not realize that they did not exist..I was trying to capture somthing which did not even exist.........

Unlikely Alike..!!

She was big and I was small..

I was short and she was tall..

We met when we were only thirteen..

And since then without her a day has never been..

She was large and I was the size 'S'..

She is the gem that I truly possess..

She was strong, like a rough bratt..

I was tiny, like a meeky shy cat..

She was a tomboy, ever ready to protest..

And she would tease me as I pretended to be a delicate princess..

I made a giggle and she would laugh out loud..

I would hesitate and she dared to do things not allowed..

She made friends and would be the leader of the gang..

And I would happily follow the friendship song she sang..

It doesnt stop here, the story still continues..

Now I'll tell you what happens when it came to moody blues..

Like a baby she would cry with eyes all red..

And I would be the one consoling her but not a single tear shed..

When it came to guys, she was shy like a new bride..

Then I would be her mentor, her very own 'guy guide'..!

Then one day the tomboy found her own place..

To the snowland she flew with all her new grace..

I miss the laugh we had together, I miss all those fun..

But a new phase of life has to start and for you it has already begun..

You will always be in my heart, a 'forever friend' in you I see..

You are my best friend, truly special to me..

Humsafar

Badal ko chhone ki chahat na thhi..bas maanga thha ek tukda aasman..
Samundar ko peene ki chaah na thhi..bas chaaha thha ek ghoont tera pyaar..
Dharti ko paane ka arman na thha..bas paana thha tere dil mein ek kona..
Tere sansaar mein aane ki tamanna to thhi..par na baandhi thi koi ummeed..
Na maanga thha zindagi bhar ka saath..bas chaah thhi kuch antim palon ke saath ki..

Chhodh gaya mujhe mera hi apna..kho gaya kahin mera chhota sa sapna..
Jiske liye jeeta raha main aajtak..na lagne di jise dukh ki koi bhanak..
De na saka wo mujhe chaar palon ka saath..udna jo tha usse mere hi dikhaye badlon ke paas..

Ab na chaah hai kisi ko paane ki..na hai kisi ke khone ka darr..
Zindagi ki bachi-khuchi iss raah pe main chal chala banke apna hi humsafar..

Wished it were you..

I heard a knock at the door..I wished it were you..

I heard a voice over the phone..I wished it were yours..

I saw a face in the mist..wished it was you..

I heard myself singing for someone..wished it was for you..

I saw myself waiting for someone..wished it was you..

I felt my heart light again..wished it were because of you..

I saw my dear ones happy for me..I wished the reason were you..

I saw my house decorated with flowers..I wished it were to welcome you..

I heard the holy vows rhyme..I wished it was with you..

Today when I start a new beginning..I wished it was with you..

I step into a life unknown..I wished with me were you..

My world is filled with joy again..I wished in it were you.....

U kno wat..I love you alot..!!

The way u look at me in my eyes,

Sends a shiver down my spine.

The way u touch me with ur smile,

Hand in hand i can walk with u a hundred mile.

When u say that u love me,

I become more like u and less like me.

When ur lips touches mine,

I feel like I have been dipped in wine!

The warmth of ur presence, the cuteness of ur grin,

Puts all my desires in a spin.

And when u r by my side,

My ecstasy i cannot hide.

When u cuddle me in ur arms,

And give me all ur presence warmth,

I feel as if ur arms r my only world,

No other place i would ever be safe.

I love to see ur sleepy eyes,

Love to touch ur small nose,

In ur face i see a true love,

Who would take me over the skies above.

Dont ever leave me or i'll simply die,

By a sea side some day together we would lie.

We will see ourselves grow old together,

Thinking about this my heart feels like a feather.

And u kno wat..i love u alot..!!

Moorakh!!

Dhund mein ojhal hota ek sapna..
Samay ki unmukt leheron mein khota koi apna..
Adhoore arman saanso ki dor se bandhe hue..
Fir bhi har saans mein ummeed ki khushi sanjoy nayi khushboo bharte hue..
Chirag ke tale ujale mein nazar aati ek murat..
Nahi jaanta uska pata aur na hi dikhti uski koi surat..
Nikal pada os se bichhi inn pathrili rahon par..
Na samajh aata os aur aansuon ke beech koi antar..
Ab lagta har jhooth sachcha aur har sach jhootha..
Palkon pe ek bhram ka manmaana moti jaise ho phoota..
Asmanjas ki raah pe chalta chala wo besudh..
Na jaanta moorakh isme hai na koi sukh..
Apne astitva se bekhabar chal pada wo khud ki talaash mein..
Na jaane kaunsi raah mila de usse uski manzil..issi aas mein..
Ek tooti ummeed aur beete palon ka sahara..
Pralay se anjaan bhavishya ke khoye sapno ko dekhta raha wo bechara..
Ab na jaane kaunsi raah pahunchayegi usse uski manzil..
Ya maut ke dhuen mein ho jaayengi uski aakhein kokil….

I never really owned you..

Now when I have finally moved on..
I think about the days past gone..
I think about the days when I had given in all to you..
And i realize a fact about me and you..
Its that..I never really owned you..

You gave me all the love you could..
And cared for me like a lover should..
But somewhere in my heart I always knew..
The fact about me and you..
That I never really owned you..

The day when you actually said you wouldnt come back..
The tears in my eyes I couldnt hold back..
But I thought it to be another facet of an angry you..
And thought that things would again settle down like the morning dew..
But now I realize that I never really owned you..

Those who want to stay in your life will always stay..
Be it the chill of December or heat wave of May..
You are good or bad, they will always be near you..
Others will always find a reason to leave you..
Thats why I think I never really owned you..

God gave me so many signs to realize the truth..
But I was on the ride of my adventurous youth..
I never wanted to accept this fact about me and you..
I still cant reason so many things related to you..
And I wonder why I couldnt realize that I never really owned you..

Fir se..

Fir se jeene ki chah mein udd chala ye mann..
Fir se tamannao ki raah pe chalne ko machal utha ye mann..
Na jaane kabse adhoori aas liye baitha tha ye mann..
Unn aashaon ko samet ke ab aage badh chala ye mann..

Palakon pe ab tak aasuon ke bojh se bhari tha ye mann..
Ab aankhon mein nayi tarang se khush hoke naach utha ye mann..
Nayi raah pe umang se daudne ko chahta hai ab ye mann..

Hawaon mein ab ek nayi si leher nazar aati hai..
Dhoop mein bhi ek bhini si taazgi dil ko chho jaati hai..

Na darr lagta pathrili raah pe chalne se mujhe..
Na darr lagta akeli raaton me mujhe..

Ek naya sa insaan jaaga hai aaj mujhme..
Ek nayi si roshni nazar aayi hai tujhme...









.......
My first attempt to write something in hindi.. :P

Solitude

Awakened by the silence,
I find myself surrounded by loneliness,
I stare into nowhere,
Blinded by no thoughts,
Darkness soothes me,
Silence hums to me,
All I feel is numbness,
All I hear is quietness,
All I can see is nothing,
Just a burden on my soul,
Burden of hurting you,
I seek no forgiveness,
I desire no love,
I need no care,
I want no want,
I slip into solitude,
Solitude of eternal peace..

Forlorn Hope..

Still strangled by the memories, I watch u leave..
U look so calm, so much at peace..
There is a turmoil in my heart..
How can you be so quite, when your love is at cease..

You taught me how to love..
but not how to stop..
I feel all drenched..
In these painful raindrops..

You broke my heart..
Tore it into pieces..
But what amazes me is that..
I still love you with all the little pieces..

I can’t let you go..
I don’t understand a thing..
I thought you needed my love..
You were my everything..

You didn’t say a word..
But slowly you walked away..
I wish I could reason..
Why you didn’t want to stay..

I wish I could ask you..
I wish u could explain..
Why in my heart..
There is hope that still remains..

The Dollhouse

Twenty years back, when I was only six
I had a little dollhouse with colors green n yellow mix
It had a little door and two windows which opened wide
And a cute little bed which was neatly kept inside
The walls of the house were painted green by my father
Though the color pink I had preferred rather
It had a little terrace with a staircase going through it as well
A perfect place where my Barbie doll would merrily dwell
Like a sunflower my house was bright and sunny
And from inside it was painted soft orange, cute and cozy
It had a little kitchen with real pan and stove
And in the dinner was only served warmth and love
The sheets were made of red passion and the curtains were the green care
A perfect house in dreams which u will find nowhere
My Barbie and my ken were truly madly in love
And they lived in that dollhouse which only u find in heaven above
Each day my story would end in an "happily ever after"
It was my world and I was the sculptor

Twenty years back when I was only six
I believed in my dollhouse and its yellow golden bricks
I believed in kitchen of love, I believed in what I had crafted
I believed in each and every wall which my father had painted
Twenty years hence now when I am grown up
Life is not always like what you set up
The sunny yellow hurts my eyes, the red sheet is all blood
And the curtain is turned green by the algae flood
The walls of the house now haunts me
The same walls to which I was attached so deeply

The Day I Died

He searched for me in his lost memories
He tried to remember my sweet fragrance
He looked at the things I had touched
He craved for me in his loneliness
He wandered here and there in search of my voice
He hoped for just a small glance of mine
He wished for a glimpse of my smile
He desired the last touch of my skin
He longed for my warmth

I could see him suffering
I could see him in pain
I could see his tears
I could hear his sobs
I could hear his cries

That was the day he realized
That was the day when I died