I know I dont know..

I know I have never been the best..
But we did find each other in our own love quest..
I know I am not at all understanding..
But still we found each other ever so loving..

I know I behave childish at times..
But when we were together, our sorrows would just sublime..
I know at times I irritate you a lot..
But together we did dream of tying that heavenly knot..

I know I have repeated my mistakes time and again..
But still each other's arm, we could not refrain..
I know what hurts you the most are my words..
But when together we were the bestest of the best lovebirds..

I know there have been times when I have over reacted..
But in each other's company we never knew where the time drifted..
I know every time I have broken my promise..
But still no chance of loving we would miss..

I know many a times I have been very annoying..
But still we loved to lie with each other in the lights slowly dimming..
I know I blamed you for things so unreasonable..
But together we made a very cute couple..

I know I have disappointed you at several places..
But you would still accept me with all my fusses..
I know I say sorry after the same repeated mistakes..
But you would still hold me after my one of those quakes..

I know I always say that u never love me..
But with you I can be myself, ever so clumsy..
I know I always blame you for things you never did..
But its only u I can lean back in confusion amid..

I know I always want my own way..
But we promised for staying together till our hair turned grey..
I know that I say I know everything..
But without each other around there is something in life missing..

Always..!!

The way u make me feel special when I am near

With you by my side, I know  everything will be alright

When you are with me I have no fear

I know my future with you is all bright

When you a wipe the sorrows off my face

My heart skips a pound

Ur cuddle seems to be the perfect place

Every time we are together, my joy knows no bound

No matter how bad things are

You always make them better

You know what to me you are

Only you can make me brighter

I love the way you touch me

Love the way u hold me tight

I love the way u kiss me

I could be with u all night

I just want you to know

That  though we sometimes fight

I will always love you

No matter what day or night

An 'Angel'

With the flower fairies near the blueberry bush she sang
Her songs of love to which a Lilly sprang
Dressed in white like a fairy she flowed
Above her head a pale halo glowed

When the sun was out, bright and shining
She would adorn a beautiful smile every morning
Enwrapped each day in a new fragrance
Love and care were her true essence

On her toes like a ballerina she would dance
Little squirrels would come out just to have a glance
Loving, caring and an all-forgiving, she was an angel
But nobody knew what hid behind that pretty damsel

Sparkling eyes, innocence on her face
In the name of a women, she was a disgrace
Nobody realized her darker side
That she was an evil devil in disguise

As the dawn would slowly set in
Her fangs would come out and so would the craving
And when the night would finally come
Her wicked acts would slowly hum

What most she loved was tearing little hearts apart
When one would finish, she would tear another from the start
Night after night she would create a new zombie
She was a beast trapped inside a beauty

Blood spilling out and ripped hearts scattered on the ground
Changed the color to red of her own white gown
She would play in the ocean of blood all night long
And slowly sing that sweet paralyzing song

When the first golden ray of dawn would break
With a tear in an eye again she would wake
How did this all happen was what she wondered
With pain she whimpered as if herself tortured

She pretended that her own wounds had turned her gown red
“This is my own blood!” she would shout with each tear shed
With her hues and cries she gathered all the squirrels’ sympathy
Unaware of the truth they despised the deed so ghastly

In the corner she would weep, for the love gone, for the heart lost
But once again prepared to rip another heart at any cost
Washing her blood stained gown in the river
She stood up with promises of new songs and an eye with a glitter

The birds believed her, the rabbits loved her
To them, the pain of their fairy had made her much fairer
Little did they know the evil deeds of their fairy
Except the little hearts who had died down in agony

So this was the story of a women so fake
Who would do absolutely anything for her own sake
A ruthless beauty as u can see
She was called “la belle dame sans merci”

Always a mistake..

Every thing I do is for you..
Every step I take is in a hope to get closer to you..
Every second of my thoughts is filled with you..

Every tear from my eye falls down in your memory..
Every thing I touch seems to die down in agony..
Every ray of hope seems to black out by the sky so cloudy..

Every word I say is always a mistake..
Every time i try harder is for ur sake..
Every feeling of mine is but considered a fake..
Every sentence of mine I wish a change in it I could make..

But..
Every thing I do takes me away from you..
Every act of mine hurts you..
I dunno where to go..
I dunno what to do..

Somethings never change..

Somethings never change..

Like the hug of ur mother when u go back home..
Or like the scolding of ur father when u dont wake up early in the morning..
Like the stories of ur sister when u two meet afer a long time at home..
Or like the same particular smell your house has year after year..

Like how ur quilt always seem to be shrinking short to reveal ur toes in a winter morning..
Or like how ur mouth still waters at that familiar chicken curry ur mom makes at home..
Like how your mummy's sabzi n daal still have the same taste even afer 26 years..
Or like how that old anchar (pickle) u once loved always finds its way to ur neighbor aunty’s house..!!

Like the red brick wall of your school which still seems to be of the same shade red..
Or like the still under construction temple of your college which started when you joined college some 7 years back..!!
Like that carpentry work shop in your college which reminds you of your engineering days..
Or like the PMC (Piya Milan Chauraha) which still seems to be occupied with a whole new set of ‘piyas’ n their loves..!!

Like that "kamini"s "kutti"s u hear when u meet ur bestest frnds..
Or like how you would discuss with your friends that wish u could go back to the old times..
Like how u would sometimes wish that you could see 2 year future of your life to know exactly where you would be..
Or like how everyone around you seems to be getting promoted except you..!!

Like the nostaligia u feel when u read ur old slam book..
Or like that smell of the yellow paper of the novel u once read..
Like how ur tongue turns purple when u eat jamun..
Or like how automatically ur hand goes to touch the pimple everyone says not to touch..!!

Like how u still fall asleep when u are going thru a study book..
Or like how u can wake up the entire night to talk to the one u love..
Like how every other face seems to be resembling your love..
Or like how impossible it is to not to include him in everything u write..!!

Like how definitely it would rain when you wear an ultra see through dress..!!
Or like how definitely your boss would come early only at the same day when you 'by chance' late for office..
Like how impossible it is to stop a pimple coming out on the very particular party night..
Or like when u meet an old class mate and after exchanging 'Hi's 'Hello's 'how are?'s you would go..shit man! What was her/his name..?!!

These small things of life..
brings a smile on my face when i think about it..
These feelings would remain the same year after year..

coz..

Somethings in life never change..

Everything else does!!

No, not anymore..!!

Sometimes I feel I want to evaporate..
Or amidst the misty fields simply just fade..

Sometimes I wish I was standing in rain..
So that no one could see that I was crying in pain..

I had been living like this, thinking of it to be the only world..
But now I want to cross the hill and reach out to a whole new world..

I cant anymore bear the suffocating breathe inside..
I want to kill those memories and become more alive..

There is no feeling now, only numbness all around..
No voices I can hear, not even a sound..

I no longer feel my wounds, not at all, not even a bit..
Maybe the pain has subsided or I have become used to it..

Its now been enough that I have tried..
Time has come to dry the tears that I have cried..

Its the time now to bring back that lost smile..
For which alone I have to walk yet another mile..

But..

I'll do that whatever it takes..
Even if it means to give my heart a few more aches..

Because..

I dont want to reach out anymore..
I dont want to cry anymore..

I dont want to reach out anymore..
I dont want to cry anymore..

Butterfly Flutterby!!

This onez for u..
Thanks for alwz being there for me.. :)
***********************************************************************


By the riverside, near the small stream,
That was were we sat and had a dream,
Dream in our eye that one day we would fly,
And past the stream one day, we would flutter by.

With our little wings, we started our new journey,
To enwrap the world in our own sweet honey,
Three years back, yes, that was when it started,
A voyage that would in future leave us both torn hearted.

As the wind kept us back from moving ahead,
We would drag each other and not let anyone of us stop instead,
In the sunshine, our wings would glow up like a rainbow,
We moved on unaware that coming up next was a black shadow.

Small ponds we had crossed earlier without getting harmed,
But this stream was big and we were not well armed,
Thinking of the stream to be as harmless as the ponds,
We continued to move on with the stream of which we had become so fond.

A day in the month of April when the sky was all clear,
Suddenly came a gust of wind which shook our wings with fear,
Our little wings which used to be shining and bright,
Now was left alone to face this fearful sight.

With torn and battered wings we hoped to cross another mile,
Wiping each other's tears and reminding each other of that cute smile,
"This is not the end" is what we would remind each other,
There would be more memories again that we would gather.

So what this time we couldnt cross the stream,
Hope is still in our hearts and we havnt stopped our dream,
One day there would be another riverside where we would fly,
And past the stream once again we would flutter by.

My Little Poem.. :)

Little is the pain,
A little everday,
Little is the sunshine,
Which could keep me gay.

Little are my tears,
A little every night,
Maybe little was my love,
Too little to hold you tight.

Little was your care,
Too little for my heart,
Little I should have known,
Right from the start.

A little bit strong,
Just a little weak,
Little bit a happiness,
I wish i could sneak.

I feel a little lost,
Little bit astray,
A little bit of me,
Dies everyday.

I dont feel!!

I feel like filth
I feel like dirt
I feel like rotten eggs
Shreaks unheard

I feel like a rag
Used and thrown away
Like a naked dandelion
Petals of which the wind blew away

I feel all black
So red from inside
Like the dead fishes
Lying on the sea side

I feel so numb
All dead from inside
Like a tasteless dish
One would quietly put aside

I feel so blank
I feel so weak
Like an unwanted child
Not able to speak

I feel like dead
Like a deer hunted
Like a tear shed
Like a life unwanted

The pain I have
You will never know
Its deep inside
And I will never show

Maybe someday....

To God I wish everyday,
That you will come and look my way.
This is for what I cry in dismay,
That you will come back maybe someday.

I make a wish everynight to all the stars,
To keep you happy, be where ever you are.
For myself I wish to just one little star,
To take away my pains and heal all my scars.

In the darkness everynight I cry on my bed,
To take my life and give me death instead.
My heart bleeds with the colour so red,
I am like a tree with leaves all shed.

In my room at the corner, everyday I weep,
For the love gone, the heart I wanted to keep.
I still cry and cant put myself to sleep,
For the seeds I had sown, I am the one to reap.

Myself I curse to have said you those words,
After which you left me, with my agonies unheard.
How I wish I could take back, those dark black words,
And bring you back to my own lovely pink world.

Sometimes we say, things we did not intend,
For, in you I trust, and this is not a pretend.
In grief, a hand to you once again I extend,
Dont disown it, for this time my life may then just end.

Will you come back?

There was a time when i had u,
That was the time when i called u mine,
Those were the days when u held me,
Those were the days I would always shine.

Those moments of ecstasy,
Moments of true love,
Moments when we had each other,
Moments i wish i could just hold.

The first time you held my hand,
The first time we kissed,
our first walk together,
The movie show we nearly missed.

The day in the month of April,
The day of that sweet November,
The days when we were us,
Everyday of the month with you I remember.

The first gift that I still cherish,
The seven colours that I gathered,
After which i lost the count,
That was the love you gave me unbound.

Racing against the wind we would move,
Racing against time,
Catching each glipmse of fantasy,
Each second that I would call mine.

I had a dream in my eyes
I thought I had the right on you,
Cant tell you how it feels,
When now u say i dont matter to you.

I wish i could remove that hatred which you have in your heart,
The heart which was once mine,
Which no longer beats for me.

I want to tell you,
You are everything for me,
If only you could come back,
to hear what I speak.

I wish u could come back,
Maybe just to say goodbye,
Maybe the last hug u could give,
With a small little sigh.

I wish I hadnt let you go,
The day we last met,
Those last few words of urs,
How can I ever forget.

Just turn around and you will see,
How i still wait for you,
I wish I could make a new start,
But only if the person were still be you.

U made ME..

You made me laugh..
You made me cry..
You made me sad..i wonder why..

You made me dance..
You made me sing..
You made me wonder what my life could bring..

You made me love..
You made me hate..
You made me marvel at my fate..

You made me giggle..
You made me dream..
You made me wake up with a scream..

You made me complete..
You made me lonely..
You made me dream that i was the only..

You made me strong..
You made me weak..
You made me reach that wonderful peak..

You came in my life..
Like a beautiful song..
With trust in ur eyes that u'll be all along..

You gave me life..
Then snatched it away..
And left me all alone on my way..

I try to reach out..
To stop u from going..
But i am still and u went moving..

My life has stood still..
The day u left me..
My heart in my hand n me on my knee..

Now that ur gone..
I wonder why u came..
All that happened, I am the only one to blame..

Nothing has changed from the day u were gone..
I still wait for u with a hope in each song..

My heart still pounds at each phone ring..
Hoping that it would be ur voice again that it would bring..

I want u to know how much i truly luvd..
It is for u that i write..
Only u that i ever luvd..

With tears in my eyes..
I try to sleep again..
Now only sleep can take away all my pain..

..

i wish i could go back..
go back to the time when i had u..
i wish i could explain..
i wish u would listen..
i wish i could talk..
or maybe just hold on..

i cant let go..
cant let go of those memories..
n all those giggles..
cant let go of it at all..
coz they help me to live..
they help me survive..
they make me over come my all new frights..

u were my shell..
my only hope to live..
i wish u could come back..
and be with me to give..

dont leave me like this..
dont leave me with shattered dreams..
dont leave me in pain..
suffocating in my own screams..

every night i cry..
these tears dont stop..
the night doesnt end..
the pain wouldnt go..
even if my life ends..

She died the day she was born..

Fairyland they say..very far far away..
Born on a beautiful night..where with the wind she swayed..

She bloomed like a flower..protected in his hands..
Lovely she became..on that strange fairyland..

Discovering her own beauties..she was lost in her dreams..
Little did she know..that she would drown in her own screams..

He would shelter her every night..
Loved her at every sight..

From beneath the shelter she emerged..
With him she would only get submerged..

She was blossoming like she had never thought..
All the obstacles on her way she fought..

To be near him..
To be with him..
Was the only way she knew to live..
All that she had..she was to give..

She knew nothing of the world around her..
All she felt..was like a feather..

Feather in his hands was all that she could feel..
There was no wound that he couldnt heal..

She was all bright n glowing..
Unaware of what beneath her was growing..

He came to touch her one fine day..
But her thorn pricked him on his way..

Fire in his eyes..he stood up tall..
How could she do that..she is so small..!!

So little in front of him she became..
Head bent down with all the shame..

Furious with anger..he came with a plough..
Started digging her..to kill her somehow..

She cried for help..for some mercy..
But he was determined and had no mercy..

Finally she gave up..and it was all gone..
Still pretty she laid..but died the day she was born..

Do I have to give you a name??

That little curly haired girl comes in my dream every night..
No matter how hard I try to shoo her away n tell her that there is no place for her..
She doesnt listens..
She wants to come to me..
She wants to stay with me..
What do tell her..??
What do I say to her..??
Why dont you go away kid..??
Nobody wants you here..
You dont matter to anyone..
Just go away n let me be at peace..
Let me be with myself..
Let me sleep.